Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
