I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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