I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
