i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Small penises have feelings too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
