Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
