The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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