I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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