dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
