Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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