Your mouth is God's brothel.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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