I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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