I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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