there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
