I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
