i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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