im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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