I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
