i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
