I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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