found the other keg... it's in the tree
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
