you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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