Got a toothbrush?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
