i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
