OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
