I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
