O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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