What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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