I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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