Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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