and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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