I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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