you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
