Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
