when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
