I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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