Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
