You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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