so that wasnt chicken after all
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
