One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
