I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
