They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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