last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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