no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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