Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
