Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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