I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
