her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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