if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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