Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
