Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
