You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
