My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
