He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you had me at cake vodka
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
